The Despicable Plot of Nekochan
by GLCorps2814
Summary: Ten years after graduation, Miss Sakaki has become world feared ecoterrorist Mistress Neko chan sama. Before she unleashes her greatest offensive against mankind, she becomes sentimental, and invites her old friends to join her
1. Invitations

Azumanga Daioh: The Despicable Plot of Neko-chan

GLCorps2814

_Alert: As if you had not already guessed, pretty much none of the characters in the following story are mine. They belong to various Japanese, American, and British concerns. Thank you, and enjoy. Oh, and, uh, also, the owner of a dark blue 2000 Ford Focus, your lights are on. 2000 Ford Focus, lights on_.

_'I need a new job,' _William Shatner thought, walking down the halls of his Mistress's secret island base.

Now, I'd best explain to you that this man's name is a complete coincidence. He is not, in fact, William Shatner, Canadian acting _LEGEND_. He is a simple American, whose parents had somehow never heard the actor's name, despite being aware of him and the many characters he'd played. Well, _CHARACTER_ he'd played. No one really remembers TJ Hooker, let's face it.

_OUR _William Shatner is a tall, young, athletic individual. He is slender, and has a minimum of body hair, in the form of dark eyebrows and long, flowing, silvery hair. There was a slightly feminine touch to his features, though there was ultimately no confusing him for a woman. He wore a small, leather vest with no shirt underneath, which clearly showed he had pecs, not breasts, and his black jeans were also tight enough to…ah…prove his gender. Quite. Ahem. Across his back he wore a rather gigantic sword, which anyone who did not looked at his trousers would be sure was compensating for something, and it also looked as though he should not have been able to lift the blasted thing.

He was, as I said, walking through the rough-hewn walls of an underground complex, rather lamenting his duties. It was not that he disliked being a bishonen bodyguard, nor did he have any distaste for being on the side of evil. He was just creeped out by his coworkers something fierce. Just thinking about them made him shudder, and caused his flesh to crawl. A lot.

Before long, he came to a large, metal door with a pointy, stylized cat head painted on it. He forced himself to regain his composure, and then pressed the large, green button set into the rock wall next to the door. There was a brief pause, before a deadpan voice came from a hidden speaker:

"Yes, William?"

"Mistress Neko-chan-sama, the weapon is complete. We are ready to unleash it at your word."

"I see." The door slid open, but his Mistress did not stand there, as he was expecting. He paused, until he heard: "Come in, William."

He walked through the doorway, into his Mistress's massive bedchamber. The walls here were carved more carefully, smooth and polished. A gargantuan bed sat in the center of the room. It was a four-post bed, and the head of each pole was an elaborately-carved cat's head. The black, cat's-head logo from the door was emblazoned in the center of the quilt, and both pillows. In the many bookshelves lining the red-rock walls were countless tomes on animals, but mostly ones on cats. Off to the side of the room was a gargantuan, wooden desk, with cat paws for feet and a wide, flat cat face carved into the front of it.

Sitting at this – in a wooden chair with carved, cat-paw feet and a cat's face caved into the top of the very high back – was his Mistress. Once, her name had been Fuyu Sakaki (or, William Shatner mused, Sakaki Fuyu, if one wanted to be properly Japanese). Now, she was merely Mistress Neko-chan-sama, one of the most feared environmental terrorists in the world. She had brought whaling fleets to their knees, left the skins of poachers dangling outside police stations all over the world, and busted open any number of zoos. America, England, and private concerns all sought her, out for her blood.

She was clad in a simple dress of, naturally, white cotton. Her favorite pet, a full-grown Iriomote cat named Mayaa, wandered back and forth across her table. He eventually leapt down from it and began to weave between William Shatner's legs, arching his back and purring.

"I have grown…sentimental of late, William," Mistress Neko-chan-sama said, arching her fingers in front of her.

"M'lady?"

"I miss my old friends."

"I believed…"

"I had no friends?" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, you have said so yourself countless times."

"Hmm…yes." She rose and began to wander around the room. The slit in her dress started at the waist, and he had to force himself not to admire the long, smooth perfection of her legs. It was bad enough that the neck of the dress was rather low-cut.

"I believed I had successfully cut myself off from the human race," she continued, bending down to pick up Maya when the big cat ran to her. She stroked its back, and looked up at her henchman. "I thought, with you, my army of Nature Loyalists, and the Clones, I could be happy. But this is not enough. You are all too orderly, too calm, too…good at doing _EXACTLY_ what you are supposed to do. There is no noise, no chaos, no…"

"Your old high school companions."

"Yes. Them." She nodded, and blushed a bit. "You won't…I mean…this weakness cannot be revealed to the others."

"Your secret is MORE than safe with me, M'lady."

"Good." She smiled. "Then, William, I need you to deliver some letters for me."

"As you wish." He pressed a fist to his shoulder and bowed. "M'lady."

_POLICEWOMAN_ Tomo Takino proudly walked her beat with the two officers who always accompanied her, twirling her billy club and whistling a happy tune. Her long hair was tied up into a bun and stuffed under her cap, so she'd compensated by cutting her skirt just a _LITTLE_ shorter than regs called for. There would be NO confusing her for as man. She smiled to children and the elderly, looked sternly at teenagers who might've been up to no good, and nodded politely to adults.

Only the children thought she was even remotely interesting. She was, in fact _VOLUNTEER_ policewoman Tomo Takino, which meant she worked a route on weekends. The luckless officers who got stuck with her, Policewoman Yamada and Policeman Kanzaki, had to almost constantly restrain her before she went too far on someone doing something that was far from horribly illegal, like underage smoking or jaywalking. They almost wished her pipe dream of being accepted by Interpol would (by some miracle or some massive fluke, whatever) actually happen, if only to get rid of her.

"Keep your eyes peeled, comrades!" she shouted for, Kanzaki believed, the thirty-seventh time that day. Yamada had counted forty-one. Tomo suddenly bent between them, squinting and holding her hand above her eyes. "Crime is ALWAYS afoot, but we shall cover it with the SHOE OF JUSTICE!"

"God, the puns," Yamada grumbled.

"I thought she liked "Lupin,"" Kanzaki said. "That sounds more like a "Slayers" line."

Tomo heard none of this. She was too busy scanning the area, making loud "hmm" and "aha!" noises. Then, rather suddenly, she let out a "WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN!" and burst away from her two "partners." They both screamed and bolted after her, even as she went to tackle a high school kid who had thrown a wrapper towards a trash can and missed. He hadn't even SEEN it miss, since he'd been looking in the other direction. But now he was about to be horribly assaulted for his "crime."

"HALT IN THE NAME OF THE LAW, VANDAL!" Tomo screamed. The boy, like everyone else in a thirty-meter radius, looked up. But he quickly realized HE was the so-called vandal, and terror filled his face.

"We've got to do something!" Kanzaki shouted.

"I'm on it!" Yamada yelled, flinging her own club.

It spiraled through the air. Tomo drew closer to her target. The target began to stumble backwards, holding his schoolbag before him like a shield. The club, amazingly, caught Tomo right between the legs. She went down, and landed face-first into the ground, grinding to a halt mere centimeters from her would-be "perp."

"Ow…" she mumbled, her voice muffled by the fact that she was still face-down to the ground.

"You _IDIOT_!" Kanzaki said, storming next to her and lifting her up by the back of her shirt.

"But…but…"

"No 'buts' this time, Miss Takino," Yamada snapped, picking up her club. "Do you REALIZE who you nearly bowled over right there!"

"A dirty litterer!"

"Try Hideki Shinzawa the Fourth, sole heir to the Shinzawa Industrial Concern fortune!"

"Social status does not protect one from the long arm of the law!" She was fighting in her partner's grip, still trying to lash out at the shaking Shinzawa.

"True enough, but there are _PROCEDURES_, Takino!" Yamada hissed. "And unlike many of the people you've nearly broken the bones of, his father is rich enough to SUE us over it!"

"Oh…"

Tomo gulped, the boy just looked terrified, Yamada just kept getting more and more red, and Kanzaki kept mumbling "baka, baka, baka, baka" over and over.

"I…ah…love your father's bicycle chains…" Tomo mumbled pathetically. "They…uh…work much better than any others…haha…"

Tomo sat at home, dejected and fired. What would she do with her weekends now! Her police work was what kept her going through the drudgery of her day job as one of countless office flunkies. She sat at a long row of desks, still very close to the back while new guys constantly shot ahead of her. Here she was, two years shy of thirty, no future, single _YET AGAIN_. And that last boy had seemed so…

Her self-pitying was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. She was sitting in front of her TV, knees pulled up to her chin, watching one of her countless "Lupin" DVDs and alternately envying Fujiko's looks and Zenigata's job (if not his luck). She paused the episode, got to her feet, and slumped over to the door, which she hauled open.

"Yeah?" she mumbled.

Then she looked up, and was struck dumb. She was looking into the deep, blue eyes of the most…_GORGEOUS_ filthy gaijin she had EVER seen. He was clad in a delivery man's uniform that was a good size too small, like in a bad porno. Not that Tomo watched such things! She was a lady! Yeah…

"Tomo Takino?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"Are you Tomo Takino?" His Japanese was as close to flawless as she'd ever heard come from a dirty foreigner.

"Y-yeah…"

"Sign here." He said, holding out a clipboard.

"Sure." She scribbled her name, poorly, and then took the envelope he handed her without looking at it or registering its existence.

"Have a nice day, Miss Takino."

"Sure."

He smiled at her awkwardly, a little scared, and he finally began to back away, closing the door for her as he did. Then he turned and ran away.

'I hope the rest of Mistress Neko-chan-sama's friends are more normal!' William Shatner thought as he ran for his life. But, judging by the stories, they wouldn't be.

"Ah, Senior Mifune?" one of the many flunkies under Koyomi's direction said, walking up to her.

"Yes, Mister Aoi?" Misses Mifune (formerly Miss Mizuhara) glanced up and smiled, glad she had switched to contacts; she no longer had the unpleasant feeling of her cheeks shoving her glasses about whenever she tried to grin. It had been becoming more and more of a problem as…well, anyway…

"Ah…please accept this end of year gift, ma'am!" he said, looking awkward as he handed her an envelope.

"Well, thank you Mister…" she paused. She'd been opening the envelope as she'd been speaking, and saw the contents. It was a simple, small, plastic card. It was meant well, there was no doubt about that, but the result was rather poor. Luckily, years of the likes of Tomo and Osaka had taught her to remain calm in such instances. "Aoi. I shall be sure to use it as soon as I can."

"Ooh, I'm _SO_ glad you like it, ma'am!"

"Why, I'm going to put it in my wallet _RIGHT NOW_, so there's no chance of my losing it!" She couldn't remember the last time forcing a grin had taken so much out of her. She pulled her wallet from her large purse, and stuffed the gym membership Aoi had given her next to three or four she'd gotten on her own. All used once, save one, which she'd actually used _TWICE_. She smiled. Poor Aoi looked overjoyed.

_'This is what I get for complaining about my weight to the staff,'_ she thought, thinking that there was _NO WAY _a sweat drop was floating behind her head. That was too absurd, too much like a bad cartoon.

The battle of the bulge was an old one for Yomi, one she'd always been losing. But at least she'd been able to put up _SOMETHING_ of a fight, once. Now, her high school worries seemed foolish. Back then, her waist had still curved in, and a lot of the spare weight had gone to her chest and hips, giving her a somewhat-envious figure.

She'd managed to keep things somewhat under control in college, but then marriage had caused a problem or two. Then she'd really finally developed what one could call a bit of a tummy. Still, nothing too bad, nothing unmanageable, nothing…

Oh, look at that, pregnancy! Goodbye, feet! Goodbye, figure! Goodbye, walking the stairs to her apartment. That had been some of the only real exercise she'd gotten! And it showed. But…but once the baby was gone, everything would be fine! Yes…everything…

She sat at her desk, sighing, wondering idly if her feet missed her as much as she missed them. She began to curse herself for marrying a manga artist. He could work at home, watch little Momiji, do some housework…all the stuff that might have forced Yomi to move around more. Especially now that their little girl was two…though he denied it, Yomi was _SURE_ that Ganjiro had lost a little weight from chasing Momiji all over the place. If only he'd had a normal job, she could have offered to resign her post, stay at home, raise…

No, no. In reality, she knew she would have strong-armed her husband into being the housemaid, even if he'd been a businessman or had some other normal, respectable position. She'd never intended on marrying so young, never mind having a child before thirty! But there was something charming about Jiro. He was so different from all the men at the business school, with their prim hair and starched clothes. He was scruffy, had a perpetual five-o'clock shadow, and blessed with a seemingly bottomless imagination. And, hey, he was a demon in the… Ahem. Quite.

As for little Momiji…well, the Doctor _HAD_ always said there was no _TOTALLY_ reliable form of birth control, but he'd said he'd bet a month's salary on the pill being just fine. When she'd called him to ask if she could actually collect on the bet, he claimed he worked pro bono. She'd replied that she liked U2, as well, but didn't see what that had to do with his paying her. He'd been too flustered to realize she was joking, and she'd hung up, rather insulted that someone would think she didn't know the meaning of such a _BASIC_ phrase.

She thought about her home, and how she had a lovely, 200,000 yen coat rack there. She liked saying that. It impressed the hell outta people. She didn't explain that it was an old treadmill she had never really used. If only Jiro wasn't so damn…blasé about her weight! He _REALLY_ didn't seem to care! Damn artists…

"Misses Mifune?" a voice suddenly chirped at her.

"Hmm?" She looked up. "Yes, Mister Aoi?"

"It's…ah…time to go, ma'am. Everyone else has gone…"

"Oh, right!" She blushed and stood quickly, knocking her chair over in the process. She sighed, turned, and bent over to pick it up…

The ripping sound seemed inordinately loud. She turned deep crimson, and slowly straightened up, righting the chair as she did. She spun and faced Mister Aoi, but he was grinning as though nothing had happened. Either he was a fine actor, or really hadn't noticed, somehow. She grinned at him grabbed her bag, and began to leave.

"Ah, Misses Mifune, did I do something wrong in giving you that gift?" he asked.

"No. What? No!" She laughed. "No, no, no. Why would you say that?"

"You just seemed spacey for the rest of the afternoon once I'd given it to you…"

"Other things on my mind entirely, other things _ENTIRELY_!" She patted his shoulder. "Now, you go on your way, I'll see you after the new year!"

"Should I wait for you at the ele…"

"No, no, no, I need to…ah…make a bit of a rest stop."

"Ah, of course." He finally blushed a bit. "Well, then, good evening, ma'am!"

"Good evening, Mister Aoi."

The first thing Yomi did when she got home was run into the bathroom and leap on the scale. She screamed when she saw "113 kg" staring up at her in uncaring, neon numbers and letters. She burst into her room, changed into a sweat suit (making her look even more frumpy, which made her feel worse) and then buried her face in her pillow. Between sobs, she explained to Jiro what had happened.

"Hey," he said, stroking her hair, "at least it was just your underwear, and not your skirt."

"But next time it will be!"

"Look, sweetie…" He sighed. "Look, Yomi…ah…"

"What?" She took her face out from the pillow to look up at him.

"You're not going to like what came today." He handed her an ornate envelope with "Koyomi Mifune" written on it in delicate script. "Special delivery, didn't even come in the regular mail. Some…some American delivered it."

"Why won't I like it?"

"I think it might be…ah…some sort of…heh…" He coughed a bit. "High school reunion-type thing. He asked if you were formerly Koyomi Mizuhara, and then made sure you were the Koyomi Mizuhara who had attended your school, your graduating year, your…"

But he was cut off when Yomi smashed her face into the pillow, again, and used another one to cover her head.

"Yeah, ah'm comin', ah'm comin'," Ayumu Kasuga mumbled, walking to her door as her bell continued to frantically buzz at her.

Darn it all, this was her vacation! She didn't take time off a lot, but she'd only just finished a huge project for the company, one that had drained her pretty bad, so she figured she'd earned some time to sleep in. She'd unplugged her home phone, turned off her cell, and left a sign on the door that said 'not here, please delay any deliveries one week or leave with Hisoka-san in 14B.'

She had spent a nice night out, but gotten home and only gotten her slacks off before falling into bed. She didn't think much about her clothes, which meant she was just wearing a sleeveless, turtle-neck sweater that luckily went down far enough to almost look like a short dress. To make her appearance all the more immodest, a rather spectacular yawn managed to pop outta her mouth the very moment she opened the door. She figured that Tomo'd have liked that one, for sure.

"Yeah?" she asked, kinda dreamy-soundin'. She ran a hand through her hair, which she had cut fairly short some time before, giving her a rather boyish look, especially when one considered her slight figure.

"Erm…" The tall Caucasian said, grinning oddly. "Are you Ayumu Kasuga?"

"Last ah checked." She glanced at the nameplate on her door. "Yep, that's me."

"How about…Osaka?"

Well, now, that one got her attention. She hadn't been called _THAT_ since Freshman year of college, when she'd accidentally introduced herself with her nickname to people. But she'd convinced them to go to her proper name before long. It only seemed right, after all. Osaka just seemed too…well, it just didn't _FIT_ her, anymore. Not after the first semester, anyway.

"Been a while," she admitted. "But once, yeah."

"And if I told you that I was brining your grains of truth, and then said rice was the most popular grain in the world…  
"Why, silly, ah'd say that ain't no grain of truth, but the truth about grains!"

They both shared a long laugh, though Osaka's kept going _WELL_ after William Shatner's had stopped. He grinned, at first, but then his eyes began to glance left and right, slowly and awkwardly. He still smiled, though his grin became pained, and a bit confused. He began to scratch at the back of his head, and tried forcing himself to laugh along with her again, but to no avail. A few beads of sweat built up on his temple, and he began to whistle.

"So, anyway, whatchya want?" Osaka asked, catching him _TOTALLY_ off-guard with the sudden halting of her laughter.

"Oh, yes, just had to deliver this." he said, handing her an envelope.

"But the sign…" she glanced sadly at it, takin' the letter as she did. "Didn't ya'll see the sign?"

"Well, yes, but my employer assured me this one was _RATHER_ urgent, and should only be delivered to you in person, and when I asked Miss Hisoka where I could find you and told her how urgent it was, well, she explained you were actually here."

"Ah guess if it's _URGENT_." She smiled at him. "So do ah tip you or anythin' like that?"

"No, no, just sign here!" he held a clipboard out to her.

"Right…" she scribbled something, and then blanched. "Aw, darn it all! Ah signed it Osaka!"

"That'll be fine."

"Really?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Good day!" He turned and left, _POSITIVE_ that his tight ass was being admired by her as he walked off. After Tomo, he'd begun to enjoy the attention he got in his uniform.

But when he glanced back he found Osaka was just running her fingers back and forth over the envelope, giggling and commenting on how nice the expensive paper felt. Feeling dejected, he quickened his pace and left.

Kimura was, somehow, alone in the faculty office. He took this rare chance to relax, slumping a little in his chair and removing his glasses. He closed his mouth, which tended to get rather dry from his keeping open all the time. He took a quick swig of water, swished it around, and swallowed. He glanced around, just to be sure no one was coming, and removed his glasses. He rubbed the spot where the nosepieces were constantly pinching, and scratched his ears where the earpieces always were.

But he didn't relax long, knowing someone would certainly show up any minute. He slapped his glasses back on, let his jaw slack, and resumed that awkward, heavy breathing that kept everyone away from him. It was easier that way, better. He shouldn't have even allowed himself a wife and a child. That had been so foolish. At least he'd survived long enough to see his little girl become a young woman…

"Excuse me?" a voice suddenly said.

"Eh?" he replied, looking up in the creepiest way he could.

"Ah…" The large, silver-haired man coughed awkwardly. "I'm…ah…looking for a PE teacher named Kagura…"

"Ah, Kagura-sensei, yes!" He let out a creepy little giggle. "You know, she was a student here, once. I taught here then, too. She…she was on the swim team. She wore this…bathing suit…oh, just _thinking_ about it again…"

He began to gasp and make the most upsetting giggling noises he knew how to make. He began mumbling something about a refreshing glass of pool water until the big man finally left. The moment the door shut, Kimura's face went normal. He took in a breath, and let it out. Dammit, if only he were younger…

He grabbed the phone and rang up his house. His wife answered.

"Kimura residence."

"Dearest…" he paused.

"Oh, no. No, no, no…" Her voice broke. "Whenever you use that tone…but it's been so _long_, Hikaru! How could trouble _possibly_…"

"It walked through the door." He pulled open his lowest drawer, and pulled out some folders and boxes. Under it all was a strongbox, with a combination lock on it. He hauled this out with one hand, and began to manipulate the lock. "It's…well, I don't know what my chances are, honestly."

"Then why…"

"I have to. I have to at least _try_. That's my oath, you know that."

"I know, I know." He heard her sigh. "Be careful, my love."

"I will. I have to go. I need to call Yuki. I love you."

"Goodbye, dearest."

She hung up. Kimura popped open the box. On top, there was a picture of his other daughter. His illegitimate daughter. The one he didn't know existed until only a few days before she walked through the school's door. Her mother had shown up to tell him. She hadn't realized he worked there, she said. They had drinks, relived their memories from that week undercover in China…

"Kaorin," he whispered, studying the photo. It wasn't even a proper one, just a blow-up from pictures of a graduation. His wife knew about her. He'd had little trouble confessing, since they'd not met until well afterwards. But he'd never managed to tell Kaorin herself. He'd thought about it, but knew it was an awful idea. No more loved ones, no more close friends. Bad enough that he already had two. Better to terrify her more than everyone else.

He moved the photo aside, revealing a large, nickel-plated magnum revolver and a small cache of bullets. He cracked open the gun and began to slide the bullets into place, one by one. When it was loaded he slipped it into an inner pocket, and then dialed Yuki's phone number.

"Alright, good job, everyone!" Kagura called as her students headed for the locker rooms. She kept a sharp eye out for Kimura, who tended to choose such moments to show up.

For a moment, he thought he was behind her, because many of her girls had stopped running, and watched something over her shoulder. They were pretty transfixed, too. God, what could he be doing _THIS_ time? But then she noticed the pure adoration in their faces.

_'What in the hell?'_ she thought, turning. She came face-to-face with the most beautiful collar bones she had ever seen, which were trying to explode out of a dark brown shirt. Her eyes slowly moved up, to a delicate neck adorned by a slender Adam's apple, a smooth, strong chin, lips so soft she wanted to kiss them right then…

"Yes?" she managed to squeak.

"Are you Kagura-sensei?"

"Mhmm."

_'That's better,'_ William Shatner thought, relishing in the attention. Not just the teacher, either. The high school girls were ogling him something _FIERCE_. And they were seniors, he figured, which meant he was only 2 years older than them, meaning he could legally…_ANY_way.

"Got a letter for you, ma'am," he said, flashing his best, 'oh, you KNOW I'm handsome' grin as he held it out to her.

"Anything else?" she asked, dreamy.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing." She shook her head. "Where do I sign?"

"Oh, here…" He held out his clipboard and waited while she scribbled her name. "Thanks very much, Miss Kagura. Ah…have a good day."

She watched him go, and finally looked down at the letter. No return address, no clear postage…she shrugged and began to open it.

"Right." William Shatner said, rounding a corner and looking at his clipboard. "That just leaves…"

He stopped when he heard the all-too-familiar sound of a hammer clicking into place in a gun. He dove just as the shot rang out, and he felt the bullet whiz past his face, just _BARELY_ missing his skin. He went into a roll, pulled a fairly large knife from within his boot, and came up ready to draw blood.

"William Shatner," Kimura said, his stance steady and tendrils of smoke still swirling slowly from the gun barrel. "You're rather infamous in my community."

"Oh-ho." Shatner grinned and nodded. "Japanese Intelligence, I take it?"

"Who else?"

"I'd heard rumors of the part-time agents, taking up lives and fake personalities. I should have _REALIZED_ there was a reason the school would keep on such an obvious pervert. They knew there was no _ACTUAL_ threat to the girls." He chuckled. "Mistress Neko-chan-sama will be fascinated to hear about this."

"You need to get back to her, first."

"You really think you can beat me, old man?" He began tossing his knife from one hand to the other, almost daring Kimura to dash forward and take it. "You're, what, _FIFTY_ now?"

"Forty-eight, but close enough."

Kimura suddenly fired again, but Shatner managed to dodge his bullet. He flung his knife rather expertly, and he saw Kimura's head snap to the side. He let out a victory whoop, which turned to a gasp of shock when the older man turned his face back around, revealing he'd _CAUGHT_ the bloody thing in his teeth.

"Oh, you're _KIDDING_!" Shatner shouted, grabbing his other knife from his other boot. But he dropped it when his own blade was hurled back at him by Kimura, piercing his lower arm.

"You _BASTARD_!" Shatner hissed, grimacing as the blood spread through his sleeve. "Now I won't get my security deposit back on this stupid costume!"

"No need to worry about _THAT_," Kimura replied, aiming his gun again. "In fact, all your troubles will soon…"

"Holy Hell, Kimura's flipped!" an all-too-familiar voice screamed.

"No!" he spun, to see a rather horrified Kurosawa and Yukari standing nearby. "Run, before…"

Stupid. He'd gotten sentimental, let himself get close to the two of them, even if they'd been _TERRIFIED_ of him. He felt the sharp pain of the blade in the small of his back, causing his limbs to all go numb. He dropped his gun and crumpled to his knees. A second knife pierced higher, and he could feel a lung collapsing.

"Baka…" he said through gritted teeth, falling onto his side.

He could hear Shatner approaching, cackling wickedly as he did. He heard the two women shuddering and trying to scream, but only producing horrified squeals. He managed to move his head a bit, and saw Shatner walking up to them.

"Maggot!" he hissed. "Don't you…don't you _DARE_!"

"Don't worry, Agent Kimura, they won't die." He held up his palms, and some sort of thick, white gas shot from his sleeves. The two women's faces suddenly twisted into even worse paroxysms of terror and they went to scream, but Shatner put his hands over their mouths. "The Mistress would be very, _VERY_ sad if I killed her two favorite sensei."

"What did you…"

"Just a little trick from an old employer of mine." He let the women go when their attempts to scream just became spasms of horror. Shatner turned back to him, and Kimura saw him bend down and pick up the magnum. "I did some grunt work in Gotham, before hopping to this side of the Pacific. They'll be fine…they're just going to be a _LITTLE_ scared, for a while. But you don't need to worry about that, old man. In fact, you don't need to worry about anything at all…"

"Yuki." Kimura whispered, right before the shot went off.

_To be continued…_


	2. Assembling

Tokyo International Airport was a beehive of activity, crammed mostly with people coming back from visiting family and friends all over Japan and the world. A few were heading off elsewhere for the New Year. But of all the thousands of people swarming through the airport, there were six people who were not quite sure where they were headed, or how.

"Let's see…" Osaka said, looking at the letter again. She was moving a bit quickly, causing her silky, green scarf to wave gently behind her. "Gate fifteen. Let's see…"

"Miss, _PLEASE_, you _HAVE_ to put that out!" a voice bellowed. Osaka looked up and saw that it was coming from an area labeled "Gate 15". The voice went on: "There is no smoking in the terminal!"

"Look, pal," a woman's voice replied, "here's a hundred thousand yen if you shut up, leave me the _HELL_ alone, and tell the other mindless drones around here to so the same, K?"

"Ah…" There was a lengthy pause. "Yeah, ok. Enjoy your holiday, Miss Mihama."

"Miss Mihama?" Osaka frowned. "Can't be. Still…"

She walked tentatively into Gate 15, and saw only one other person there, her back to the doorway as she looked out the huge windows at the airport. She was a rather average-sized person, And had a crop of somewhat long, very black hair, but with a few inches of dark orange roots showing, proving it had been a while since her last dye job. She was clad in a pink tube top, and a short, black skirt with a belt made of big, gold loops.

"Can't be…" Osaka whispered. She cleared her throat, then, and tentatively called out: "Chiyo-chan?"

"Chiyo-chan?" the girl turned quickly, and Osaka was rather taken aback by what she saw. It was Chiyo, alright. But her face was longer, her eyes smaller (or her head had grown into them), and her expression colder. Her tube top had "I'm a bitch, deal!" written on it in English, and the letters were stretched across a rather impressive bust line. Nothing like Miss Sakaki, but she had _DEFINITELY_ left Osaka's group in the dust.

"Holy shit," Chiyo said, pulling her cigarette out of her mouth. "Osaka?"

"Ch-chiyo?" She shook her head slowly. "Chiyo, what happened?"

"What do you mean, 'what happened?'"

"Ah…ah heard you yellin' at that airport attendant…"

"That drone?" She snorted and shrugged. "Ah, fuck him. I gave him liquor money, so he's thrilled to bits."

"Chiyo! Such language! And since when are you…ah…"

"Read the shirt, hon." She paused. "What am I saying, you probably have _NO_ idea what it says. Seriously, how much English do you remember?"

"Ah…not much." She shrugged. "But enough to know that shirt's kinda dirty."

"I got worse." She smirked in a way that proved she was proud of it, too.

"So…ah…whatchya been up to, Chiyo-chan?" Osaka was really hopin' someone else would show up, soon. This was startin' to feel weird.

"Well, first off, it's Miss Mihama now. Or Miss Chiyo, if you _REALLY_ can't give up the old name." She took a long drag off her cigarette, and let the smoke out through her nostrils. "And I'm just spending time waiting for Daddy to fucking _DIE_ already, so I can take over the company and make it profitable."

"You…ah…seem to be doing okay…"

"Yeah, but you should see how rich we could _REALLY_ be, with the right business strategy." There was something hungry and predatory in Chiyo's eyes. Something Osaka didn't like at all. "Daddy's a coward, plain and simple. I have a token job with the company that I actually show up to…oh, maybe five months out of the year. Enough to assure me control when his ticker finally quits on him. Should soon, considering what a _SHITTY_ diet he has. It's like he _WANTS_ to rush himself to an early grave. Of course, I can't _BLAME_ him. Mommy can be a _GIGANTIC _pain in the ass. But, unlike me, he can't skip off to Europe when the urge to ram a fucking knife into her face sets in."

"Well, that's…ah…"

"First thing I'm doing is moving the company stateside." She turned back to the window. "Japan's hicksville. Tokyo has it's moments, but you ain't lived until you've been to New York, or the right parts of LA. And let me tell you, being Asian over there…fuck, I had men jumping through hoops for me, and didn't even have to _ACTUALLY_ touch them, unless I _WANTED_ to.. If you ever go, find yourself a black dude. Seriously. I mean…hell, first time I thought I was going to be torn in half, but I got _REAL_ used to it."

"Ah…" Osaka's mind practically shut down. Was she in the "Twilight Zone" or somethin'? Maybe she was on a "Candid Camera"-type thing. Maybe some has-been celebrity was gonna jump out and scream that she done been punked, or wigged-out, or some other silly slogan.

"Hmm?" Chiyo suddenly said, noticing something over Osaka's shoulder.

"Oh," a voice said, full of regret and, perhaps, a hint of anger. "I wasn't the only one invited, then…"

Osaka turned to see Kaorin standing there, looking almost exactly as she had the last time she had seen her, a solid decade ago. She even still stood in that awkward way of hers, giving her a sort of knock-kneed look. Somehow, this consistency disturbed Osaka more than Chiyo-chan's radical changes.

"Hello, Osaka," Kaorin finally said, smiling and tilting her head to one side a bit. Her tone was a more normal, now. "Who's your friend?"

"She kidding?" Chiyo asked, glancing at Osaka.

"Well, you _DO_ look pretty different, Chiyo-ch…san," she replied.

"Yeah, but _YOU_ noticed, and you're on the fucking _MOON_ half the time."

"Chiyo?" Kaorin took an awkward step back. "What happened!"

"God, I'm going to just keep getting this today, ain't I?" She took a long draw off her cigarette and let the smoke out as an angry huff. "Fine, I'm, saving the explanations until everyone is here, so I can minimize the repetition. But just so you know, none of this chan shit, anymore. Got it?"

"S-sure…"

"Ooh, would you look at _that_!" Chiyo licked her lips. "Grade-A Matsusaka!"

Osaka turned to see what she was looking at now, and found herself looking at a young, trim pilot standing near the entrance to their gate, talking on a cell phone. Judging by his bags, and his lack of rushing around, he'd just got back from somewhere, and was now on his way home.

"But Chiyo-san, he's not a cow," Osaka said.

"Whatever, I saw him first!" Chiyo ran by, flicking her cigarette towards a long, slender trash can as she did. Osaka was sure it would miss, since she wasn't looking at the can when she did, but it fell right in the center of the opening.

"Ooh, didjya see that?" she asked Kaorin.

"What…what _HAPPENED_!" she squealed.

"She threw the cigarette…"

"Not that! I mean…what…"

"I guess she grew up. Life happens, after all." She felt a sigh coming on, but she warded it off.

"Right…" Kaorin replied, moving out of the entryway.

"Hi," Osaka heard Chiyo saying to the pilot.

"Uh, hi."

She glanced over, and saw the pilot looking at Chiyo. He was wearin' big, aviator sunglasses. But Osaka was lookin' at the two of them at profile, so she could see the pilot's eyes, where Chiyo couldn't. He sure wasn't lookin' at her face, but Osaka could tell Chiyo wouldn't have cared, even if she knew. Heck, she probably did, in a way.

Osaka didn't hear what Chiyo said next, since she leaned in and whispered something into the pilot's ear. He turned bright red, and glanced around.

"But I don't even have…"

Chiyo reached into her small purse and produced a condom. Osaka gasped, the pilot grinned, and the two moved towards the bathrooms.

"So, Osaka, what have you been doing these past ten years?" Kaorin asked.

"Oh, this n' that." She laughed. "Sleepin' when I can, not that there are as many chances."

"Same old Osaka, huh?"

"Same old Kaorin. Unless…"

"No, same old Kaorin." She shrugged. "Just another face in the crowd. I work in editing, now."

"Ooh, you work on novels n' stuff?"

"Ha, I wish. No, I'm stuck on one of the company's magazines, right now. Few more years and I might get boosted to novels, though."

"Neat."

"No, mundane." She shrugged. "So, what about the personal life? Had any… relationships?"

"Have you?"

"Ah, a few."

"Ooh, were they nice fellas?"

"Well…" Kaorin blushed and blanched. Why had she brought _THIS_ up! "They were certainly _NICE_, yes."

"With someone now?"

"No, none of them have lasted. They just couldn't live up to my standards of perfection, I guess…"

"What sorta fellas you go for?"

Kaorin cringed at the word "fellas," but if Osaka had noticed this, she made no sign of it.

"Ya like 'em all big n' manly," she continued, "or more delicate, like that fella who delivered Miss Sakaki's letter?"

"The same guy delivered to you, too?" Kaorin asked, surprised. "Big, American, silver hair…"

"Uh-huh, same one."

"Well…" she coughed. "Yes, my tastes are more like…him. Not quite. But he's a lot closer to what I'm looking for, yes."

"OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU GUYS!"

Osaka and Kaorin spun to see Tomo standing there, pointing at them in her usual, theatrical manner. She ran forward, leaving her bags by the entryway, and grabbed Osaka in a big bear hug, spinning her around once and plopping her down.

"It's been AGES!" she started to run towards Kaorin, but she let out a surprised screech and dove behind the row of seats. But Tomo just leapt over the chairs, and landed in a crouch next to her. "YOU WON'T ESCAPE THAT EASY!"

She grabbed Kaorin's neck under one arm, and administered a rather severe noogie to her old classmate with the other hand. Osaka was wondering how to possibly intervene, though at the moment she was still trying to get air back into her lungs. She felt like it had all been squeezed out of her.

"Still a wildcat idiot, huh?" Kagura said, walking into the gate area and dropping her bags on the chair. "I bet you're still slower than Sakaki, too."

"Yeah, well, you're…ah…" Tomo blinked. "_YEAH_!"

"Can't…breathe…" Kaorin groaned.

"Oh, whoops!" Tomo let her go, stood, and scratched the back of her head, just above the long braid she wore her hair in. "Sorry."

"Ooh!" Osaka walked over and poked at the length of hair, which went down to the small of her back. "Goin' for the Fujiko look again, Tomo?"

"Anyone else here, yet?" Kagura asked, dropping into a chair and spreading her arms across the seatbacks.

"Chiyo _WAS_ here a minute ago…" Kaorin said, looking around. "Osaka, where did she vanish to?"

"Um…think ah saw her headin' towards the bathroom," she offered with an awkward blush.

"Oh…" She shook her head at Osaka's odd reaction, and then looked at the others. "Wait until you _SEE_ her, it's really weird!"

"Wow, the gang's all here, then," someone interrupted. "Well, everyone but Chiyo…but you said she's in the lavatory?"

"Yomi!" Osaka said, turning as she called out. She was stopped short, however, when she actually _SAW_ her. Seems the diets had failed, then. "You look …um… _IMPORTANT_."

"What, _THIS_ old thing?" Yomi said with a grin, rubbing a sleeve of her obviously-expensive business suit.

The others were looking at her with similar thoughts as Osaka. They fought to keep their expressions neutral or happy. Well, everyone except Tomo. She let her shock show right there on her face, though the dropped jaw slowly twisted into an evil grin.

"_HOLY CRAP_, _YOMI_! She shouted, running over to her and poking her right in the stomach. "You got _FAT_! I'd hug you, but I don't think I could reach all the way…"

She was cut off when the light flashed off Yomi's glasses, and a quick fist slammed her in the stomach. Tomo slowly went down, crumpling into herself, while Yomi calmly walked by and took a seat.

"I see you _STILL_ haven't changed," Yomi grumbled, taking a magazine from her purse. "It's sad, really."

"Ow…"

"Good shot," Kagura said. "You a boxer now, or something?"

"Oh, no. But it seems abusing Tomo is like riding a bike…you never forget how."

"Right…"

Chiyo walked back in, then, smiling and holding her hands behind her head. She paused and glanced around the room, and sighed at the sea of dumbfounded looks she was getting.

"What?" she demanded, dropping her arms so she could dig another cigarette from her bag. "Fuck, you'd all think you'd never seen a billionaire _PRODIGY_ before…"

"My God, it _IS_ you!" Yomi said.

"Heh," Tomo said. "Looks like darling Chiyo-chan…"

"It's san, now." She positively _GLOWERED_ at the group as she lit her cigarette, its tip burning bright. "_PREFERABLY_ Mihama-san, but I'll let you guys slide with Chiyo, for old time's sake."

"Seems like darling Chiyo-san has grown, too," Tomo said quickly, glancing over at Yomi. "But in the way every girl _WANTS_ to…"

"What?" Chiyo laughed, and hefted one of her breasts in her free hand. "Nah, nah, these things are about eighty percent fake."

"Say _WHAT_?"

"Mmhmm." She winked. "But don't tell any of my boyfriends, they'd be crushed."

"Oh, like they can't _TELL_," Tomo grumbled.

"They can't." Chiyo thrust her chest forward; she was positively _GLOWING_ with victory. "Top of the line jobs, not even officially on the market. I'm technically a beta-tester. Daddy got me on the list. Most realistic yet."

"Pardon me," a voice said from the boarding ramp. "We're ready to go, ladies."

They all turned to see – shock and surprises! – the mystery delivery man standing there, though now clad in an expensive, expertly-tailored black business suit. He wore no tie, but he did wear a buttoned shirt, with the top few undone to show off the top of his pecs. Everyone had to fight to keep from showing how they were melting inside, save Kaorin and Osaka.

"What about our bags?" Kaorin asked, wrecking her friends' moods.

"I can bring them."

"But who are ya?" Osaka asked, frownin'. "Ah mean, far as I knew, you were a delivery fellah."

"Ah, yes, forgive me for not introducing myself earlier." He bowed deeply, in a sort of over-dramatic, Western style. "I am William Shatner."

There was a long pause, as everyone glanced awkwardly at one another. Shatner rose, grinning in a slightly tense manner. He knew what was coming. Every time…

"No you ain't," Osaka said. "You're too tall. And too young. And ya ain't lumpy enough."

"It's just a coincidence," he replied, trying not to clench his teeth as he spoke.

"Oh." There was a long pause, during which Osaka blinked, once, and rather slowly. "So how come ya never changed it?"

"Because my mother named me William, and I love my Momma!"

Everyone was surprised by just how adamant this outburst was, as well as the tears welling up in his eyes. He recovered quickly, though, straightening his spine and clearing his throat.

"Right, well." He bowed theatrically again, gesturing towards the gantry with an outstretched arm. "Ladies first."

The flight was one surprise after another. First, the plane was definitely not a run-of-the-mill passenger jet. It was sleek, and black, and had a flat bottom and the most peculiar sort of engines any of them had ever seen. Rather than the big, round jets dangling under the wing by a strip of metal, these were rectangular, and carefully integrated into the shape of it.

Then came the surprise of seeing both Yukari-chan and Nyamo already there, though passed out in their seats. Shatner explained they had arrived quite early, and nodded off not long thereafter. After this, there was the shock of just how _FAST_ the blasted machine was, getting them to Okinawa in no time.

Finally, however, was the fact that they shot right past Okinawa's only major airport. They all demanded to know what was going on (except Osaka, who had apparently decided to join Yukari and Nyamo, and was snoring quietly), but Shatner just grinned and told them to look out the windows.

The wings actually bent, swinging on an axis and pointing the engines straight down. Then, like a gargantuan Harrier, it slowly dropped down. But they were on the sea, still a mile or so off the coast of Iriomote Island. But before long, a huge, clear dome on a metal platform rose dramatically from the waves. The dome opened, the jet landed, the dome closed, and the platform submerged. Outside, fish swam away, terrified.

"Wow, this is better than Scuba diving!" Tomo shouted.

"I'll say!" Kagura said.

"So what…ah…what _EXACTLY_ is Sakaki doing now that she can afford all of this…ah…finery?" Yomi asked, her eyes hidden by reflections off her glasses.

"Oh, she wants me to leave all that to her," Shatner replied. "Surprises and all that."

"Right…" Yomi glanced outside again, thinking: 'I've got a _BAD_ feeling about this…'

After a few moments of going down, the platform suddenly moved IN, towards the island's rock walls. A gargantuan door was there to admit it, and once this shut, the water began to drain outside. Then the dome slowly dropped, and Shatner rose majestically from his seat.

"Ladies." A broad smile split his face. "Welcome to Mistress Neko-chan-sama's Iriomote Base!"

Kaorin was off first, having shoved past even Shatner. He was behind her, and the others were close behind him. Nyamo and Yukari-chan had finally come to, though they still seemed quite hazy, and needed a lot of help off the plane. The cavernous hangar was empty, and everyone looked a little perplexed as they stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where's the welcome wagon?" Tomo demanded.

"They should be here in just a moment," Shatner replied. Nearby, a door could be heard sliding open. "Ah, there we go…"

A great many, quick footsteps could be heard approaching. Everyone looked towards the source of the noise, and saw what was apparently a group of very tiny people approaching.

"What in the heck!" Osaka shouted, being the first to make out their exact forms. She took a few, terrified steps back. "Ch-ch-chiyo-chan!"

It was true. A good two dozen Chiyos, looking exactly as the girl had her first year of high school, were approaching, pigtails bobbing as they moved. They all stopped a few feet from the group, smiled, and tilted their heads. It certainly was nowhere NEAR as cute as she had thought it would be.

"Hello, how may we be of service to you?" they all asked in unison. Everyone cringed, and Shatner had to fight to keep his terror inside.

All eyes slowly, slowly turned to Chiyo-san, who had been busy lighting her first cigarette she'd been allowed since they got on the plane. But now the tip was being burned away, since she had frozen there, the lighter still burning.

"You're fucking KIDDING," she finally said.

"Ooh!" one of the many Chiyos said, her eyes locking on Chiyo-san. "I think…I think it is The Template!"

"The Template, The Template!" All the Chiyo-chans began to intone as one, bobbing up and down.

"Oh, fuck me…" Chiyo mumbled.

"I think that pilot already did that," Osaka replied, but no one heard her surprisingly fast and witty comeback over the din of the Chiyo-chans.

"Now, now, Chiyo-chan, everyone knows that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," a new voice said from the doorway.

"MISS SAKAKI!" Kaorin screamed, running forward, plowing through the group of Chiyos and knocking a few over in the process. Their companions asked them if they were alright and began to help them up.

"Kaorin," Sakaki said quietly, accepting the oncoming woman in a tight embrace. Then she held her at arm's length, studying her for a moment. "It has been so long. I have missed you."

"Oh!" Kaorin's eyes grew a bit dewy. "Miss…Miss Sakaki…"

"Hello, everyone," she said, looking over at the group. "I've been so looking forward to seeing you all again."

Sakaki had grown much more…rugged-looking since the others had last seen her. She was tanned, like she worked outside a lot, and had developed a slightly more slender, lithe form. Other than that, however, she was identical. Same, long hair, same, sharp, dark eyes, same gentle face. She wore a simple, white dress, with a peculiar, angular cat's-head design on the chest and shoulders. Mayaa peeked out from behind the folds of her dress, and let out a long 'meow.'

"What the HELL is going on!" Chiyo demanded, grabbing one of her facsimiles by a pigtail and giving it a good, solid yank.

"They are the Chiyo-clones, my servants," Sakaki explained, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. "Do you not like them?"

"Look, _THIS_ is an image I was _MORE_ than happy to dump _AGES_ ago," she replied, finally going about lighting herself a new cigarette. "Whenever I remember how I was back then, I feel like a huge _ASS_."

"I am…sorry you feel that way," Sakaki replied.

"Better to be cool than cute, sweetheart. You're living proof."

"I respectfully disagree." She smiled, and looked at the others. "And how are you all?"

There was a chorus of uncomfortable "oh, yeah, fine" and the like, as everyone looked at everything but Sakaki, Shatner, and the clones. Finally, Yomi bowed her head, coughed, and looked up.

"You're…ah…you're Mistress Neko-chan-sama, then?"

"Ah, good, William has told you, then. He thought it better that I break the news, but I figured it would be more dramatically satisfying if…"

"Wait, Sakaki, who's that?" Tomo asked.

"You're joking! Little Miss Wannabe-ICPO has never heard of the most notorious environmental terrorist of our times!"

"En-environmental terrorist!" Kagura blurted, obviously as shocked as Tomo.

"See," Tomo said, grinning and pointing at Kagura, "she hasn't…"

"But she doesn't want to be a policewoman!" Yomi clapped her hands to her head. "_GAH_!"

"How do you terrify the environment?" Osaka asked, a hand to her chin in confusion.

"No, no, you _IDIOT_," Chiyo said, snorting. "It means you terrify _PEOPLE_ to try and make them aware of your extremist, environmental causes."

"Ooooooooh." Osaka blinked. "But Miss Sakaki, that ain't very nice…"

"And what's happening to the Iriomote cats _IS_?" she demanded, an unexpected fire in her eyes. Kaorin leapt aside, and watched her idol with large, terrified eyes. "What's happening to the rainforests is _NICE_? What mankind is doing to this planet on a daily basis isn't _CRUEL_?"

"Makes me money, so what do I care?" Chiyo-san said, shrugging.

"It is _THESE_ attitudes I sought to eradicate in my early career." She balled her hands into fists and grit her teeth. "But it did not take me long to realize that legislation and common sense were not going to work. Not when world leaders try to deny the existence of the greenhouse effect, destroy wildlife preserves in the name of oil, torch trees to make way for more farms for our _BURGEONING_, insatiable population. I hate to quote a corny action film, my friends, but it is true: human beings…are a disease."

"Ladies and gentlemen, _SANITY_ has left the building, g'night!" Chiyo said.

"I…I did not _EXPECT_ you to quite see things my way from the start." She nodded, and looked a little sad. "I understand that my…choices may seem a bit extreme, somewhat odd. But I think, if you stay here long enough, you will under…"

"We're not staying!" Yomi snapped, the base's artificial lighting somehow glinting rather dramatically off her lenses. "You send us home right now!"

"Mm, but there is the problem. I am your only way out of here, and I still desire your company." She turned, and started to leave. Mayaa ran after her, and leapt onto her shoulder. "You will have free reign of the place, once William has shown you to your rooms. Dinner will be served at eight, just ask a Chiyo how to get to the dining room."

Then she was gone again, the door sliding shut behind her.

"Chiyos!" William Shatner called out almost immediately.

"Yes, sir!" they all shouted as one, saluting as they did. Shatner had to keep from letting out a scream of the purest horror.

"Go get the girl's things, bring them to their rooms!"

"Sir!"

They all filed past, giggling and chatting to one another. Everyone ignored them, except Chiyo-san, who was trying to keep from vomiting. Then one stopped and looked up at her, smiling and staring up at her.

"Were my eyes _REALLY_ that gargantuan?" she asked no one in particular.

"Oh, yeah," Tomo replied.

"Shit." She frowned down at her tiny double. "So, what do you _WANT_, already!"

"I have always wanted to meet the Template," she said. "Without the Template, there would be no me. I am grateful to the Template for that."

"Uh…you're welcome?"

"Tee-hee!" She tilted her head, her grin grew, and her eyes shut. Then she skipped up the stairs to help the others…and tripped halfway up, banging her forehead off a step.

"Yep, they're _DEFINITELY_ clones of you," Tomo quipped.

"Go to hell, Takino," Chiyo grumbled.

_To be concluded…_


	3. Final Part and Epilogue

Kaorin had to admit that the room was nice. It was spacious, comfortable, loaded down with amenities, and had some sort of fancy screen built into the wall that gave the impression of looking out a window over Tokyo. When she opened the "window," sounds and a little air even began to waft into the room. The claustrophobia she'd been feeling was slowly wearing off.

But other things would not be blown away by some air jets and speakers…

Miss Sakaki, an international criminal? That just…how? Why? True, she had some good points, but that couldn't justify what she'd heard Mistress Neko-chan-sama had done in her career. But, then…well, certainly…the media could be quite sensationalist. Maybe they'd made a lot of it up, even! Or tacked things other people had done onto her! Yes, yes, that _HAD_ to be it.

"I'll go find her, and she can tell me I'm right!" she said to the air, balling her hand into a fist and staring off into the sky. "Miss Sakaki!"

She bolted out of her room, and began to move down the red-rock corridors of the base. Various employees were meandering about, doing their jobs; Kaorin was glad to see that the staff did not consist entirely of Miss Sakaki, Shatner, and Chiyo-clones. There were countless, normal-looking people, too. Though there seemed to also always be a Chiyo about. Not only did they wear the old, high school uniform, but a little beret in the same color as the skirt, with Mistress Neko-chan-sama's emblem on the front. At one point, two walked by, talking about goodness-knows what and giggling in the process.

After a time, Kaorin came to a door labeled "Commander Centre." She pressed a small button next to it, and was surprised to find it hiss open. She walked in, and found herself in a massive room, like something out of that peculiar "Evangelion" show. There was a large, central command podium, but it was empty. She walked further in, looking around. At the front of the main bride were a trio of command stations, all helmed by a person. Osaka was currently leaning over one of their shoulders. It was so warm, Kaorin wondered how she could stand to still wear her scarf.

"Now, be careful," the bridge bunny said to her. "hit those the wrong way and it would send out a powerful radio signal. The whole world would know where we are."

"How'd that be bad?"

"Haha, well…ah…you really don't know?"

"Nah. Ah mean, seems like this place is kinda hard to order a pizza from, y'know?"

"Well, our kitchen is well-stocked enough that we can just make it here."

"Aw, but you ain't lived until you've had it from Yushiro's. It's this little place in Tokyo…"

"Ah, excuse me," Kaorin said, walking up to the two of them. "Have either off you seen Miss Sa…ah…Mistress Neko-chan-sama?"

"Nope," the bridge bunny replied. "She's only here for really big events or plans. Place pretty much runs itself, otherwise."

"Do you have any idea where I might find her?"

"Sorry, she could be just about anywhere."

"Oh." She nodded. "Well, I'll keep looking."

"Good luck."

"_GOOD LORD_,_ BE CAREFUL_!" Another bridge bunny suddenly screamed, as Osaka leaned over a shiny, red button. "That's the self destruct!"

"Oop, good thing ah didn't touch it then, huh?"

A little worried for her life, Kaorin hastily left the control room.

William Shatner felt human again. He was back in his little vest and tight jeans, and had his sword hanging from his back. It felt so odd without that reassuring weight there. He had to admit, when he and Kimura had first started fighting, he thought the old man might have had a chance, all because he lacked his sword.

"Hey, Bill!"

"Hmm?"

He turned to see Chiyo-san rushing up behind him (or would bouncing be a more appropriate term?). She was wearing, unbelievably, an even shorter skirt that before, fishnet socks, and a baby-t that read "I Want to Have Your Abortion." He chuckled a bit.

"How the hell do I get to this dining room? I refuse to ask one of those creepy little…little _ME_ things."

"Yeah, I hate those little creeps."

"Fucking scary."

"No shit." He shook his head. "Anyway, I'm going there now. Just follow me."

"Sure." She winked. "It's a nice view, after all. Seriously, do you wear those pants, or paint them on in the morning?"

"Ah…well…I…"

"Jesus, man, it's a compliment, chill."

"Oh." He nodded. "Well, ah…"

He started to walk along, disturbingly conscious of the fact that Chiyo-san could well be staring at his ass. He'd always thought of Chiyo in her scary, perpetually-10-year-old clone form. So to meet the real thing, and realize she was a year older than him and a complete babe, to boot…it was almost too much to take in.

"So you used to work in Gotham?" she asked.

"Where'd you hear that?"

"I dunno. I talked to a lot of the staff today. Some broad in a lab coat."

"Well, that narrows it down," he said sarcastically.

"They all as cold as they look?"

"Yeah."

"Must get lonely."

"I got magazines."

"Not the same, is it." He nearly jumped into the air when he felt a hand grip his backside rather firmly. "What're you doing after dinner…"

"Well, ah…I…ah…"

She leaned in close, her lips brushing against his ear: "The correct answer is "why, you, Chiyo.""

She let him go, and while he stood there, shocked, she walked on ahead of him.

"So, what was Gotham like? Ever run into the Bat?"

She stopped when he didn't respond. She turned and saw him standing there, too flabbergasted to speak. She turned around and chuckled. She was _GOOD_.

At dinner, Miss Sakaki sat at one end of a long table, and Shatner at the other. Yomi was to Sakaki's immediate right, her head bowed and arms crossed. She was obviously still pretty pissed. Tomo was across from Yomi, jabbering a million questions a second about how the place had been built and how big it was and whatever else sprung to her mind. Sakaki took it all in stride, managed to keep the questions straight, and answered them. Next to Yomi was Osaka, who sat across from Kagura. Osaka was busy spacing out watching the fish swim by a large, thick window built into the dining room. Next to them were Kaorin and Chiyo, who was to Shatner's left. If anyone noticed her smirking, or saw how tense he was, they didn't say so.

"I hope you all like vegetables," Sakaki said, smiling warmly. "I gave up meat years ago."

"Come now, there's always manflesh," Yomi quipped, not looking up. "I mean, you might as well do _SOMETHING_ with them after you've _SLAUGHTERED _them!"

"Now wait a minute!" Kaorin snapped, leaping to her feet. She hadn't managed to find Sakaki, and now was the time to test her theory. "You know how unforgiving the media is, Yomi! Maybe…"

"Well," Sakaki said, "while they can be, I must admit that…_ESSENTIALLY_ everything they've said I've done, I have."

_ANGUISH_! Pain! The sort of crushing torture she had not felt since Kimura appeared at the first year sports festival folk dance, and his constant badgering when she was in his homeroom! Kaorin slumped into her chair, and stared dead-eyed into a platter of leaves soaked in some sort of (obviously) dairy-free dressing.

"And we're supposed to be accepting of that," Yomi snarled.

"Eventually, you will adapt."

"Like _HELL_ I will, you _HYPOCRITE_!" Yomi leapt to her feet, slamming her palms against the tabletop. "I don't know _WHO_ you are, but the Sakaki _I_ went to high school with wouldn't have hurt _ANYTHING_ living, human or animal."

"Humans _ARE_ animals, actually," she replied, her voice so calm as to be enraging.

"You _KNOW_ what I mean…"

"Yomz," Chiyo said, looking up from the salad she'd been shoving around her plate. "Don't insult the psychopath in her own, underground base. Not good for the skin, among other parts of the body."

"Yomz?"

"The darling child has a point, my _DEAR_ Yomi," Sakaki said, sending a chill up and down all spines present. Her voice was still calm, but it had definitely taken on a dark, menacing edge.

"Call me 'darling child' again, my dear Mistress Neko-chan-sama, and you will discover just how much power the Mizuhara clan wields," Chiyo hissed after a moment, somehow managing to sound just as dark as their host. "No family gets as rich as mine without dabbling in…questionable morality. And my daddy taught me everything he knew about business. The light side…and the dark."

"You certainly _TALK_ big, Chiyo-san," Sakaki said. "But what could you really do down here?"

"I could show you…"

There was a long, unpleasant pause as the two studied one another, smirking and chuckling slightly. Yomi sank into her seat again, while everyone tried to look at everything but the two, competing women, who seemed to be doing their best to blow one another's heads apart via pure glare power.

"Ooh, a starin' contest!" Osaka suddenly said. "But ya didn't start it proper, and no one's timin' it. And ya didn't say if it's one of those ones where ya can also lose if you laugh, even without blinkin'. Ya gotta do these things right…"

There was a momentary pause, as Sakaki broke her gaze away from Chiyo's and looked at Osaka. Everyone tensed, holding their breath. Osaka just kept grinning in that same, silly way of hers.

And then Sakaki burst out laughing.

"Ah, it would seem I lose!" She wiped a tear of mirth from her eye. "Oh, Osaka, I have missed you so."

"Well, it's nice to see you again, too, Miss Sakaki."

"Come, now, let us all eat and try to remember happier days, at least for now." She smiled at them all. "Chef made her special dressing for the evening, it's quite delectable."

"I hope it's low fat, for Yomi's sake!" Tomo said, her mouth full of food.

"_WHAT_ was that!" Yomi growled, pointing her rather sharp knife at her inescapable companion.

"I can guarantee you all, it's _QUITE_ healthy," Sakaki replied, stifling a chuckle at the old, familiar, love-hate relationship.

The rest of the meal was rather like a Thanksgiving dinner, where the relatives who hate each other just don't speak to one another, and everyone else talks in excess to try and cover up that painfully obvious fact. Though, to be fair, Tomo would talk in excess no matter what. But even Kagura, who seemed to only serve the purpose of being "less crazy Tomo," like a character on a TV show or something, was fairly active. She talked about how the old school was, her favorite students, how Mister Kimura hadn't changed in the least…

"Funny story, actually," Sakaki said, as the plates were cleared away by Chiyos in little butler uniforms. "It would seem Mister Kimura was a spy."

That got a chorus of "what!" from the table, and then the story was handed over to Shatner. Chiyo leaned back and crossed her arms, and if anyone noticed that's when he stopped being so tense, they didn't mention it. He then told his story about his battle with Kimura, right down to dragging Nyamo and Yukari along. When he was done, he grinned triumphantly at the group, but quickly sunk back into his chair when he saw the looks he was getting.

"You _HURT_ Yukari-chan and Nyamo!" Tomo shouted.

"They were only a little…"

"I _KNEW_ something was funny," Yomi grumbled.

"Y'mean Mister Kimura was a decent guy, after all…and ya killed him?" Osaka asked. "Dang, I'd have liked to meet him, seein' as he ain't a horrible hentai, after all. His poor wife…"

"Now, now, Osaka," Sakaki said, smiling. "To be fair, Mister Kimura attacked _HIM_ first."

"Ah suppose…but he was just tryin' to do his job."

"Sweet Osaka…I wish I could still believe in humanity like that."

The Chiyos reappeared, then, bearing bowls of what looked to be some sort of ice cream, though everyone figured it was really some non-dairy dessert or another. Whatever it was, it tasted good enough that everyone could ignore one another by eating it. When they were done, nearly everyone got up and left rather stiffly and uncomfortably. Chiyo lingered, winked at Shatner, and sashayed out of the room. Shatner faked a yawn, then bolted out of there. This only left Kaorin and Sakaki. There was a very long, very uncomfortable silence.

"Miss Sakaki," Kaorin finally said.

"Kaori," Sakaki interrupted. She paused, then asked: "May I call you Kaori?"

"_GOD YES_!" she shouted, but she quickly contained herself. "I mean, if you want to, it's fine…"

"Kaori…I was so blind, all those years." Sakaki got to her feet, and slowly walked over towards Kaorin, whose heart began to beat so fast that she feared it would burst through her chest. "Only in retrospect did I realize what you couldn't say, what you so desperately wished to do. Can you ever forgive me for being so foolish?"

"It's…what…who…" What Sakaki was saying finally sunk in. Kaorin grabbed her own leg under the table and pinched it, and nearly burst into tears of joy when she felt a slight pain. "Yes."

"Come along, Kaori."

"Where are we going?"

"Well, I don't think you ever got to properly meet Mayaa. Another little slip-up of mine. I mean, if you are interested in him…he's in my personal quarters…"

"Oh my yes I'd be _VERY_ interested please please lead the way!"

"I thought you might be."

Sakaki smiled, looped an arm through one of Kaorin's, and they left the room.

!

Something had gone so very, horribly, impossibly wrong. Chiyo laid on her back, staring at the smooth, red rock ceiling of Shatner's quarters, trying not to shudder or cry or just run his big, stupid sword into his chest. She'd fucked up, plain and simple. She'd made a big, huge, giant, colossal mistake.

She'd let him talk.

Normally she would just leave, or roll over and pass out, to show the men just how little she really cared. They were a tool for _HER_ pleasure, little more than a dildo that didn't need batteries and made a _LOT_ more noise. But he'd lit up a cigarette, and she felt a bit of a craving coming on, so accepted one.

And he talked.

And she talked back.

And, somehow, after a few hours of sex banter it became…other things. Normal things. Life, the universe, and everything. They were nearly the same age, and they'd discussed their respective childhoods, their plans, dreams, goals, and where they'd ended up. Shatner, for all his bravado, had a lot of guilt in him. His Momma – dead a good ten years, now – wouldn't approve of his life, he knew that much. But as a poor boy from Crime Alley, Gotham, he hadn't had much hope. Or did he merely tell himself that, to justify it?

Then Chiyo opened up. She'd never opened up to anyone. About her childhood fears, her peculiarity as a prodigy. High School life had been pleasant enough, but only because she'd found the right people. Then there was college…it was so different, then. The odd looks, peculiar whispers, having to prove to every goddamned bureaucrat she ran into that yes, indeed, she really was a student…

But then she learned something: she was rich and, in America, that made her a very, very good person. It did in Japan, too, but not as much as it did in America. She was a goddess, a creature who could not be touched by law or consequences. She'd embraced it, become the darling of the tabloids, even had that _STUPID_ reality show for a year. She rebelled against her father because all her friends did. But she never rebelled enough that he'd cut the purse strings, either. She jetted across the globe, desperate to try and make some sense out of a life happening too fast…

"I love you," she had suddenly whispered, putting a hand on Shatner's taught abs.

_WHAT_ had she said! He replied that he, too, loved her. It didn't make sense to her. She hadn't loved anyone in years. Now, out of the blue, this…this…well, little more than a _HOOLIGAN_ walks into her life for a few hours, and she finds herself giving her heart to him. They talked so much more, until William finally drifted off to sleep, leaving Chiyo alone with her thoughts and her ceiling.

"Fuck," she whispered, reaching over Shatner and grabbing his cigarettes. This was something she _DIDN'T_ need.

"Hmm?" the bridge bunny perked up as he heard footsteps behind him. The night shift made him jumpy, though there was no good reason for it. He wasn't even there for security purposes; the automated systems would handle anyone who somehow managed to get in. How they would, well, he wasn't sure. They'd kept very, very close tabs on all excavations, in case any of them were secretly spies trying to get to them. And the radar systems were rather excellent. That was his purpose; watch the radar, make sure nothing other than the usual traffic went by. Anything funny, he would report. So far, nothing.

After a good minute of silence, he allowed himself to relax, and went back to his radar scope. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. He sighed, shook his head, and went back to his radar.

He was dead before he could demand to know who was grabbing his head.

"Hnng?" Kaorin moaned, as she felt Sakaki move her arms aside. Her eyes slowly opened, and adjusted the dim lighting in time to see Sakaki tying her robe. "What is it, Fuyu-chan?"

"One of my lackeys is dead," she replied calmly.

"What!" Kaorin sat up quickly, and was glad that the base was kept warm. She noticed Mayaa staring, and, though he was just a cat, she still found herself compelled to pull the covers up over her chest.

"Oh, it was an accident, judging by the report. Fell from the main bridge to one of the lower areas."

"But how could…"

"Someone smelled his water bottle." She smiled. "It's funny just how many liquors _LOOK_ like water."

"So why…"

"You know, leader stuff. Have to make the appearance, reassure the men, et cetera. I'll be back soon, Kaori-chan. Get back to sleep, I'm sure you're tired. I mean, you used up a _LOT_ of energy…"

"Don't underestimate me," she replied, chuckling.

Even so, when Sakaki left, she laid back down and was soon snoring quietly.

"Whoa, Osaka, what's with the getup!" Tomo demanded, as she entered the dining room for breakfast.

"Whadda ya mean, Tomo?" Osaka asked, tilting her head to one side.

"You're…wearing a suit." She frowned. "A man's suit."

"Nah, it's a ladie's. I'm just wearin' a tie with it," she replied, adjusting the rather high collar of her blouse. "See, I was thinkin'…the clothes don't make the man, but _MAYBE_ they make the woman. So ah bought me some ties a year ago, started wearin' 'em to work, sometimes."

"Have they helped?"

"Well, someone said between the short hair and the tie, I look a lot like one of the managers."

"Ah…" Yomi said, sitting down. "I…ah…don't think they meant it made you look more responsible, they just meant…"

"See, I don't think I've ever seen you in pants before, though," Tomo said, cutting Yomi off.

"Ah wore pants in high school," Osaka countered.

"Yeah, maybe, like…three times, or something."

"Really, Tomo," Yomi said, pulling her chair in. "If you were as preoccupied with yourself as much as you were with other people, you might have done better in school."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you over your jiggling."

"_WHAT_!"

"Please, don't start before I've gotten some coffee in me," Kagura mumbled, walking into the room and stifling a yawn.

"Good morning, everyone!" Kaorin said, a rather obvious foil to Kagura.

"Well, YOU'RE…ah…chipper," Yomi said. She didn't add "which is terribly unusual," though she wanted to.

"You think so?" She shrugged, and practically skipped to her chair, humming to herself as she did.

Chiyo was just behind her, and she shrugged: "What, am I the only one who can tell when someone's gotten laid?"

Kaorin had been sipping at a glass of water as Chiyo said this, and she began to choke. Everyone else looked over at her, shocked. Then they looked back at Chiyo.

"Well it was sort of obvious." She dropped into her seat. "So who was it? One of the bridge bunnies?"

"Kakkaa…" was all she managed to say. Osaka stood and began to pat her repeatedly on the back.

"No, no they're not your speed, are they." A wicked grin crossed her face. "I think I know who. Let me see if I can describe them. Tall…long, black h…"

"Morning," Shatner said, entering the room. Chiyo clammed up, though no one was sure why.

"See, Nyamo!" a new, familiar voice said. "If you'd just drank more, like me, you'd be used to hangovers, and this wouldn't be bothering you, right now."

"Miss Yukari!" Tomo said, her head snapping around towards the door. Sure enough, their old English and gym teachers were walking into the room, the latter definitely looking the worse for wear.

"That's not something to be proud of…" Nyamo mumbled, sitting and grasping her temples. Still looking down, and squeezing her eyes shut, she said: "Good morning, girls. It's been ages. Well, except you, Kagura. But the rest of you. Hi."

"I'm impressed, Yukari-chan!" Tomo said, slapping her old teacher on the back. "I'd have figured your looks would have gone by now!"

"What!"

"Well, you're like…what, fifty?"

"I'm thirty-seven!"

"Ohhhhh."

"You thought I was forty when I taught you!"

"Please stop yelling…" Nyamo mumbled, but no one heard her.

"Hey, hey, but you weren't!" Tomo was still slapping her on the back. "Still, only three more years until el droopo! Best bag yourself a man now!"

"_What_!" Fire flashed in Yukari's eyes, and she began to pull on Tomo's cheeks. "What makes you think I'm still single, huh! What, do you think I'm undesirable or something!"

"Yeah, she was married for three whole years," Nyamo groaned.

"Oh, you just _HAD_ to bring that up!" Yukari hollered, leaning in close to her friend. "She thinks she's _SO_ special because her marriage has _LASTED_! Well it just means I'm free! _FREE_, unlike you with your husband and three kids and nicer car because he's a manager at a big company and…and…"

She sank into her seat then, and began pounding a fist against the table so hard that the empty plates began to jump and the water began to ripple in the glasses.

"What was I supposed to do!" she moaned. "He said video games were for children! I couldn't live with a man so narrow-minded!"

"What _IS_ all this noise?" Sakaki said, smiling and walking into the room. "Ah! Yukari-sensei, Kurosawa-sensei! I'm glad to see you are fully recovered."

"Almost," Nyamo moaned.

"Well, then, you'll all be present for this most auspicious day."

"Why, what's going on?"

"One of my greatest plans comes to fruition." As she sat, Chiyo-clones in butler suits started putting food on the plates. She very calmly began to eat, even as she said: "Today, most of the human race perishes."

Everyone slowly looked at her where she sat, chewing her food as though she'd just mentioned there was going to be a spot of rain later on. Shatner looked down at his lap, ashamed.

"You want to run that one by me again, Sakaki?" Kagura said, frowning.

"If the virus works as I intend, the human population will be whittled down to one hundred, perhaps two hundred million."

"Sakaki…" Tomo whispered. "This is…this is some kind of joke, right?"

"Oh, no, I guarantee you, I quite mean it. Not my plan, to be honest. I took it from a fellow super-villain. I always felt whittling it down to only ten thousand was a bit of overkill, though, which was his…"

"You're not kidding," Yomi said. "My God, you're really serious!"

"Quite so. I have missiles loaded with my virus ready to launch at my command. They will hit the biggest world capitols, as well as major food supplies."

"You really are a monster." Yomi grabbed her knife from next to her plate. She leapt to her feet, tears in her eyes. "Give me one good reason not to…"

"Because the missiles launch, even if I am not here to give the order." She looked up, and smirked in that same, chilling manner she had at Chiyo the night before. "Because if you kill me, then I cannot have some of the cure sent to your husband and little girl."

Yomi dropped the knife, and then fell into her chair.

"You bitch," she whispered. "You…you fucking bitch…"

"Well done, Sakaki," Chiyo said, clapping in a slow, condescending manner. "You've officially out-crazied my great-grandpa, and he was, hands down, the craziest Mihama. But see, he just wanted to be the shadowy puppet master of the world. That's pretty fucking different from making it a ghost town."

"I am trying to _SAVE_ the world. Nature needs to take a breather from us. I am merely providing a vaccine against the viral human race."

"Except, of course, for those you deem worthy," Nyamo said, managing to straighten up. She sneered. "What happened to the young woman who wanted a cute stamp book?"

"She grew up and saw the blight around her." Sakaki raised her eyebrows slightly. "She realized it is time that sacrifices were made. Yes, I admit that I am playing God, somewhat. But, why should you care, sensei? God is on your side, this time."

"Fucking bitch…" Yomi mumbled, grabbing her knees as she bowed her head.

"No one's eating," Sakaki said. "It's quite…"

"How can you be so calm?" Tomo asked, looking a little deflated. "How can you be so blasé about destroying billions of lives?"

"It is easy, if you think of it as a war. Which, frankly, is what it is. Man versus nature. But nature couldn't do the job on her own. She tried…new diseases, more and more natural disasters…but nature is slow. Men are quick, harsh, thorough. Nature needed a human to help her. And she got one."

"Bitch…"

"Miss Sakaki, you ain't very nice no more, do you know that?" Osaka asked.

"No, I suppose I'm not. But, idealists must put aside such petty human concerns like 'nice' and 'bad.'"

"Bill, you're _REALLY_ going to support this!" Chiyo demanded, looking at Shatner.

"Well…I mean…" he stammered. "She _IS_ on our side…"

"Wow." She stood. "I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Sakaki said. "Not at this point. Too risky. Everyone stays close."

"Stop me," she hissed.

"Only you can stop yourself."

"What the _HELL_ are you babbling about, you psycho!"

Suddenly, Chiyo felt a hand tugging on her skirt. She looked down, to see one of her clones standing there, smiling. Then its pigtails spun around, and small gun turrets poked out of the ends.

"Mistress Neko-chan-sama would prefer it if you remained here," she said, and topped it off with a highly-inappropriate giggle.

"Well, look at that," Chiyo said, slowly sitting back down. "Utility pigtails. Very clever."

"Thank you." Sakaki grinned. "Now, let's hurry. We want to finish eating before launch."

The women stood silently in the back of the control room, most of them in shock or just stewing. Kaorin had been silent the whole time, staring at the floor. Or maybe it was _THROUGH_ the floor. Either way, she was barely there. They were all trying to think, not that it was terribly easy to do so with all the shouting from the staff, as they prepared to launch the missiles and their deadly cargo.

"T minus ten minutes and counting," a voice bellowed over a loudspeaker.

"Launch window is clear," a bridge bunny said. "The weather's on our side."

"Of course it is," Sakaki said, smiling. She sat in a chair stroking Mayaa, who was nestled on her lap, staring out as if he understood what was going on. "She knows what we are doing for her."

"Air traffic normal," another staffer said.

"Aw, no, mah hay fever…" Osaka said, before letting out a tiny sneeze. Despite how miniscule it was, she ended up stumbling a bit from the force of it.

"All frequencies clear. Nothing aside from the usual military chatter."

"All rockets are functioning and green, we are ready."

"T-minus nine minutes and counting."

"Opening silo doors."

"Hachoo…"

"Pumps are functional…rocket fuel mixing."

"All launch pads are clear of personnel."

"Blast doors are sealed."

"Bitch…"

"Sick bay reports all staff ready."

"Emergency crews ready."

"All silo doors open."

"T-minus eight minutes and counting."

"Excellent." She turned to face her old classmates and teachers. "You will have your pick of mates in the new world. We will create a race based on equality, unity, and care for mother earth."

"Hachoo."

"And the worship of Mistress Neko-chan-sama, of course," Chiyo-san quipped.

"Oh, no. I will help form this world's philosophy, and then retire from it. I will go to a nice cottage in a forest…yes…"

That was when the alarms went off.

"What is going on!" Sakaki demanded, spinning so fast that Mayaa got spooked, and leapt off her lap.

"It's…it's…intruders, ma'am! They're…they're coming down the silos!"

"That's impossible, we're miles from nowhere!" Her eyes went wide. "Someone tipped them off…"

"Hachoo."

"Jesus Christ, look at that!" Someone shouted, as security monitors came to life. "It's…it's fucking _EVERYBODY_!"

Truly, it was. Uniformed troops bearing heavy weaponry were repelling down cords, while men in ninja gear slipped from shadow to shadow. Men who looked like plain-old police officers were close behind, and a few people could have sworn their saw a giant, bat-shaped silhouette. Most absurd was a man who parachuted into a silo, hanging from a British flag parachute, wearing a tuxedo.

"Hachoo."

"What the devil is all this!" Sakaki spun and desperately, staring at everyone at once. "Who did this! How! Launch the missiles, _now_! Burn them to a crisp before they can…"

"Warning, self destruct sequence has been activated. Thirty minutes to total destruction."

"_WHAT_!"

Everyone looked to see Osaka leaning against a control panel, sniffling and dabbing at her nose with a little, pink hanky with frilly ends. She looked back at everyone, confused, and then looked at the glowing, red button under her hand.

"Aw no…" She blushed. "This is mah fault, inn't it?"

"Mistress, we can't launch the missiles in self-destruct mode, and the blast doors are opening…"

"I know how the system works, you fool, I _DESIGNED_ it!" She clenched her hands into fists so tight that her fingernails punctured the flesh of her palms. "Sound the evacuation order, open all escape pod doors! This will be but a minor setback!"

She spun on the group.

"Just follow the staff, they will lead you to the pods. Osaka!"

"Huh?"

"You'll come with me!"

"Fuyu-chan…" Kaorin stepped forward. "Fuyu-chan, please."

"You wish to come?"

"Yes."

"You will follow me, despite my ideals?"

"I'll embrace them, if I have to."

"Well." Her rage melted away, and a gentle smile touched her lips. She reached up, and pressed a large hand to Kaorin's cheek. She leaned in close, and whispered in her ear: "Come along, then. You can help me deal with Osaka as proof of your loyalty."

"Yes, Fuyu-chan."

"They're in! My God, they're all in the base!"

On the monitors, policemen and spies and ninja and masked heroes were taking down staffer after staffer. Little Chiyos were firing with their machine-gun pigtails, while others launched theirs off as little missiles, which did a fair amount of damage when they hit their mark. Others would pile up on targets, hugging them and giggling as their pigtails began to spin wildly. They would flash, beep, and detonated.

"Kamikaze Chiyos?" Kagura said. "Ok, this is officially fucked up, I want out!"

"Kaorin, Osaka, William, come with me!" Sakaki shouted.

"Are you kidding!" Shatner demanded. "The fucking _BAT_ is out there! You do not pay me enough to deal with his crazy ass!"

"We could always use lunatic bishonen guards at Mihama Industries," Chiyo said, angry at herself for how hopeful her tone sounded.

"What about fraternization policies?" he asked, taking her by the shoulders.

"Nothing applies to me that I don't want to have apply to me."

"Baby."

"Stud."

In a rather sickening, upsetting, and just plain weird display, the two embraced and shared a long, passionate kiss. Sakaki's jaw dropped.

"Par for the course, isn't it!" she grumbled. "You are lucky you've served me well this long, William. I will not destroy you. Go…have your happiness! But when I strike…"

"Yeah, yeah, I won't be immune, I know." He put an arm around Chiyo's waist, and looked at the others. "Come on, you psychopaths, I'll show you how to get to the escape pods!"

"Bah-bah, guys! I'll see y'all later!" Osaka called, waving.

"Osaka, I don't think…" Yomi began.

"Ah, ah'll be fine, Yomi. You go on ahead with Mister Shatner. We should all get together in a week or so, talk about what a funny time this all was."

"Osaka…" Tomo said.

"See you all later."

"Go!" Sakaki shouted.

The others finally ran, knowing they would never see Osaka alive, again. And not one of them even remembered that her name was, in fact, Ayumu Kasuga.

"In, in, in!" Shatner shouted, hustling the ladies into an escape pod. "Look, we can only fit five people per pod! When you're in, hit the red button, the rest is automatic. They're submersibles, and are going to wash up in various places along the coastline of the main islands. Got it?"

"Yes," Yomi, Tomo, Kagura, Nyamo, and Yukari said.

"See you all in Tokyo," Chiyo-san said.

"Hold it!" a voice shouted, and they spun to see one of the police officers standing nearby, holding a gun at them. He was middle-aged, had short, dark hair, and a rather cheap, gray suit.

"Oh, _NOW_ what!" Shatner demanded.

"I'm Sergeant Joh Kinyoobi, Okinawa Police! You're all under arrest."

"No, wait," a dark, grumbling voice said from…well, no one was quite sure. But Shatner knew it, and it filled him with a mortal dread. "Those women are most of the hostages we were told about."

"But the man…"

"We've got bigger problems than some bumbling _thug_, right now, Sergeant. Neko-chan-sama is the one we want."

"She has our friend, Osaka," Yomi said. "Please, you have to…"

"We'll do all we can."

Joh ran off. If the Bat had left, no one was sure.

"Why do you think he let you go?" Chiyo asked, as they got into their pod.

"I…I dunno." He squeezed her waist a bit. "Maybe he's a sucker for young love."

"Alright, but just be sure you don't fuck up in the future," Chiyo said. "You're too pretty to have the Batman thrashing you around."

"Yes, ma'am!"

Sakaki was in the lead, running to her personal escape submarine. Kaorin was keeping pace, as was Mayaa. They could hear Osaka running behind, miraculously keeping up.

"Miss…Sakaki……is it…much…further?" she gasped.

"Not long now," she growled.

"G-good. Is there…a…water cooler…anywhere? Ah'm…parched…"

_'You can have all the water you want when I eject you into the ocean!'_ she thought, chuckling to herself.

After a moment, she came to a huge, metal door with a series of scanners next to it. She gave her thumbprint, a voiceprint, and even a retina scan. Finally, the door began to slide up, vanishing into the rock. Behind it was a small dock, where a little, yellow submarine sat, ready to go.

"There," she said, turning. "Now, we can…"

She gasped, right before Osaka fired the large, silver revolver she was gripping in one hand. There was tremendous pain as her right knee blew to pieces, completely severing the bottom half of the leg from her body. She screamed and went down, landing hard on her side. Kaorin yelled in horror, and knelt next to her.

"Fuyu-chan!" She immediately tore off a trouser leg to make a tourniquet.

"Osaka, you _FOOL_, what are you doing!" Sakaki gasped. "Where did you get that gun!"

"Stop calling me _OSAKA_!" she shouted, leveling the run right at Sakaki's face. Sakaki couldn't be sure, but she thought that her old friend's accent had vanished. "It's Ayumu Kasuga! Is it that hard to remember a girl's _REAL_ name!"

"What's going on!" Kaorin screamed.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ayumu cocked an eyebrow. "_I'M_ the one who tipped off the authorities. _I_ killed that worker last night, so I could send out the signal. I hit the destruct sequence on _PURPOSE_. I'm _AGENT_ Kasuga, Japanese Intelligence. Undercover personality squad, like Agent Kimura."

"_WHAT_!" Sakaki said through clenched teeth. "But…but…"

"I was a little fool? Yes…yes, I was innocent and naïve. But then I left our quaint, sheltered, harmless little high school world." With her free hand, she grabbed at the knot of her necktie. "I entered a big, scary world. One full of cruel eyes and vicious stares and strange people. But still I remained sweet, naïve, _INNOCENT_ Osaka. Bumbling through life, focused on nothing, no drive, no goals. I was a nobody, a face in the crowd.

"So imagine my shock — _EVERYONE'S_ shock — when the _VERY_ popular, _VERY_ handsome, and _VERY_ rich Shiro Igawa asked me out. And then again, and again. Little Osaka was so happy, so overjoyed." She yanked on the knot, and tore the tie off. "Someone loved her, cared for her, didn't care that she wasn't as smart, or competitive, or driven, or pretty. There was something about her he liked.

"Turns out, it was her very anonymity that made her tempting." She ripped open her high collar, tearing off the top few buttons and opening it to reveal a jagged, pink scar stretching across her throat. "No one would miss little Osaka, right? Of course not. Who was she? Nobody."

"Oh, my God…" Kaorin whispered.

"He cut deep enough to kill Osaka, but not deep enough to kill Ayumu Kasuga. Not deep enough to kill _ME_." She paused, holding back tears. "I couldn't be Osaka, anymore. Now I knew _REAL_ pain, and suffering. I knew torment and horror. And I vowed to make sure no one ever experienced such things ever again. Not when I could help it, anyway. And that's all you're trying to cause, Miss Sakaki. Pain, suffering, torment, and horror. That will not stand."

She pulled back the hammer, mostly for dramatic effect. If she'd known it would give Kaorin enough time to leap in front of the bullet, she never would have done it. But it happened, and the slug tore through her chest, leaving a gaping hole in her heart. It was a useless sacrifice. The slug — powered as it was by a magnum charge — passed through Sakaki, too, piercing her chest.

The two women gasped for breath. Ayumu wanted to feel bad about Kaorin, but really couldn't. Their blood mingled in an expanding pool.

"Fuyu-chan…" Kaorin groaned. "Fuyu…good…goodbye…I…love…"

"Kaori…" Sakaki's head lolled to one side. Mayaa came into her field of vision, and she managed a smile. "Goodbye…my…dear Mayaa. One…last pet…before I…"

But as she reached out her hand to stroke the Iriomote cat's head, he opened his jaws wide, and bit her hand.

Ayumu had never seen such sadness on the face of a corpse, before.

She bent down, slowly, and opened her arms. Mayaa looked over at her for a moment, and then jumped into her hands. She rose, and looked out at the submarine.

"C'mon, little fellah," she whispered. "Let's get you away from all this craziness."

"Ayumu!" an English-accented voice called.

"Huh?" she spun, and saw the man in the tuxedo running towards her, a gun in his hand. But as he saw the corpses on the floor, he skittered to a halt. "Hmm…would seem you've already handled it."

"Yes, I have."

"She was a friend, wasn't she?"

"People like us can't have friends, James, not really. You know that."

"I suppose not." He glanced over at the sub, and smiled. "Hey, have you ever…"

"Yes, I've made love on a sub. And in space. And on a boat, in a car, on a rooftop…all the places you have, James." She grinned at him. "Don't think you have a monopoly on peculiar locations."

"Well…"

"No, I don't want to do it again." She forced herself not to look at the bodies. "I'm just…not in the mood.

"Kimura-san?" a voice said. "Kimura-san."

"Hmm?" Kimura's eyes slowly opened, and he saw a young man in a lab coat leaning over him. "Ah, yes, Doctor Tenma?"

"I know it's not normal visiting hours, but you have a guest."

"Send her in."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He sat up, and felt pain shoot through his torso. He was lucky that Shatner fellow was a swordsman. A gunman never would have had his aim thrown off by kickback, and fired into the wrong side of the chest. "I'll be fine."

There was a pause, as Tenma walked out of the room. A moment later, Ayumu Kasuga walked in, bowing as she did.

"Senior Kimura, I have come to express my deepest apologies for…"

"It is alright, Agent Kasuga, I read the report." He smiled at her, like a normal person smiles, as she looked up. "It couldn't be helped."

"If I had just fired…"

"We all make mistakes, Agent Kasuga." He gestured towards a nearby chair. "Please, sit down."

"Thank you, Senior Kimura."

"It's…it's not like she _KNEW_, anyway. And it's not like I knew her as well as I would had I raised her properly." He hung his head, some. "And while she was my daughter, they were both close friends of yours. If anything, _I_ should be apologizing to you for failing to apprehend Shatner, and forcing you into this mission."

"Well, let's not get caught in some big loop, then."

"A fine idea."

There was a long pause, as Kasuga looked at her lap.

"I don't know if I can continue, after this," she said.

"You're going to think that many times in your career, Young Kasuga." Kimura reached out slowly with a hand and placed it on top of one of hers. "But then you'll see something wrong, somewhere. Some crime, some evil…and you'll be sucked right back in. People like you and I are doomed to do this until we're killed in duty, or just too damn old to do it, anymore."

"I see." She sighed. "This sucks."

"It does. And it never gets any better."

"What do I do, then?"

"Well…" he shrugged. "Maybe we can't isolate ourselves as much as we think. Maybe we have to force ourselves to be more a part of the real world. Tell me…have you told those friends of yours that you're alive?"

"Well, no…"

"Go, then. Do it." He nodded. "Go and hold them close and realize, even if you do die, even if it does pain them all…that your death will at least be less terrifying if you know there's someone there to care that you're dead."

"I see." She rose, and bowed. "Thank you, Kimura-sensei."

"Of course, Agent Kasuga." He smiled. "Now…go."

the end


End file.
